I'm losing ground you know how this world can beat you down I'm made of clay I fear I'm the only one who thinks this way

I couldn't believe it today when a friend showed me coverage of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. Natural disaster are horrible and I recall the Haiti earthquake and the Thai tsunami, how horrible there were. At least Japan is a developed and has protection against these disasters but still all in all I prey. I prey for people I know over there that they are ok.. People I talk to every now and then on cosplay sites I hope they are ok..

While coming across other anime, Japanese related forums and people talking about it had me thinking.. I never been to Japan but always wanted to go there but I feel deep down over this accident and feel a deep connection. Japanese culture was always a big influence to me growing up and even now. I was always attracted to Asian culture and became attracted to Japanese culture as I would watch alot of it on TV and then came across anime and manga. When watching anime cartoons on Sci-Fi (the golden days for me) I became more attracted to Japanese culture and it made me happy the whole Japanese school girl look, cute clothes, moe, kimonos, tea ceremonies, art, their fantasies, history..



I like it all and it felt a place for me. My escapism I suppose. My direction and happiness is all Japan, anime, manga related being cosplay. If it wasn't for Japan, I would have never got into anime, if it wasn't for anime I would have never got into cosplay and if it never was for cosplay I wouldn't be this happy and doing what I am doing now. I suppose it can be quite normal for someone to have a belonging to another country like my sister loves France and you would call her Frenchie. I have said to people call me Japany as you can see I am very Japanese influenced in my clothing and such yet maintain my Irishness. :p

So I thought I am the only one who feels this way? I guess not.. and it is good to know.

Slag pit Stag shit Honey bring it close to my lips

Slag pit
Stag shit
Honey bring it close to my lips
Yes
Don't blow those brains yet
We gotta be big boy
We gotta be big
Starfucker just like my Daddy
Just like my Daddy selling his baby
Just like my Daddy
Gonna strike a deal made him feel

We gotta be big boy

Ok I finished my studies after 5 long years but where do I go now? I had made my decision to achieve my dream, get a cosplay portfolio together and do a dress making course in the new year so I can make my own costumes and get myself out there, visiting expos and conventions but I need a good freaken job to achieve all this. I have a job at the moment but it is not great, it is pretty much casual work. Then my parents are at me that I have a degree and I should be focusing on getting something out of it instead of sitting around or worrying too much about my cosplay portfolio but it is something I am passionate about so it is hard. Also my degree is not specialised, it is a broad arts degree so it is hard to know what I can go into. We know, we know that parents just want what is best for us.

I bumped into an old school mate the other day who also finished college and he says that he moved to London to try and find work, as there are no jobs here. Yeah you constantly hear people around you, "oh the recession there are no jobs," I guess you just have to get yourself out there and look for it. He feels that he is stuck in a limbo and I somewhat feel that way too.. Well at least I have something and an interest which keeps me target driven. I plan to go to the Career Fair this month and find something just to shut some people up then concentrate on my portfolio and getting to my gaol.

It is strange... I actually feel like a kid who dreams of becoming a rock star and her parents are at her to get a good job like a lawyer or an accountant. A limbo..

Listening to: Tori Amos - Crucify